In this type of confrontation one person has already assumed the role of aggressor/predator. Conventionally the other person is now left with two choices:
1. Frightened and compliant victim.
The predator will be expecting and relying on you playing the frightened and compliant victim role. If you go down this road the predator will act accordingly. He will posture, threaten and intimidate. Showing fear will fuel the fire of his aggression and play to his ego. Statistics show that the likelihood is that he will still harm you regardless of all the promises to the contrary. Begging not to be hurt is a sure fire way to get just the opposite.
Playing the victim role is not the way to get off lightly. More often than not all it means is that it takes a little longer before you get hurt, as well as robbed, raped or even both.
The role of the counter-aggressor is also fraught with danger. If you go back to your own childhood, or even look at your own children taking the role of counter-aggressors with you, it would be considered an act of defiance, insolence or insubordination and dealt with accordingly. The rules are plain and ingrained into us all. Subordinates simply do not answer their superiors back. Remember this is the predator’s script, he is the star and his role is a superior one to yours. Now faced with a sudden threat from a counter-aggressor the predator will react in a predetermined manner and his own defensive reflexes will kick in. He will, almost subconsciously, make the decision to attack and probably with extreme violence.
So as you can see neither of these scripts actually has a happy ending. If you are going to change your role and as a consequence the script, you have to do it as far in advance of the curtain going up as you can.
CHANGE THE SCRIPT AND TAKE CONTROL
Most of us are comfortable when we are following a set pattern. We are in our comfort zone; we know what to do and what’s expected from us. If someone or something breaks our pattern and we suddenly find ourselves in unfamiliar territory, we become confused and uncomfortable, as a result we are less natural and what we do and say requires more thought.
Breaking the aggressors set pattern, or in others words changing his script to your script is the key that will help you change your role from prey to predator. The aggressor is locked into a pattern of behavior that has been predetermined by his script. If you break the script he has to formulate a new response, which means he is forced to stop and think about what to say and do next. This whole process slows the situation down because thinking out a new response is obviously going to take longer than following a set pattern.
This is all well and good, but how do you change his script without becoming the frightened and compliant victim or the counter-aggressor?
1. Don’t react at all. Stay calm and just walk by as if he wasn’t even there. This isn’t in his script, it makes no sense, you’re supposed to follow his lead and act out your role in the play. The aggressor will be confused, but only for a second or too. Hopefully, in the time it takes him to amend his script, you will be out of the danger zone and ready to run as fast as your legs will carry you.
2. Act out the cool but ready-for-action role. Simply stand your ground without making any aggressive actions, verbally or physically. Say nothing, just stand and stare with a calm, expressionless face. Training will help you to remain calm under stress, but even with no training you have given him a big problem. This type of response, or in reality lack of it can be very intimidating. It manipulates the situation by giving out a powerful massage saying I don’t consider you as anything that I should be getting concerned about.
3. Respond verbally with something totally irrelevant to the situation, non-aggressively with friendly dialogue. Often the best thing is to say something that requires him to think of an answer. Ask a question. “That’s a fantastic jacket, where did you get it?”
“What’s the time mate I’m in a real hurry?” “I’m looking for Benson Drive do you know where it is?” Anything that stops you getting drawn into his script.
Once the pattern is broken a new one must take its place, and this time with you taking the leading role. However, never lose sight of the fact that this person standing in front of you is probably still predisposed to violence. Therefore it is imperative that you use whatever time you have to open a window of opportunity and extract yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. Your action could be as simple as just running away. Or even, but only as a last resort and only if you’re sure you have no alternative, launching you’re own pre-emptive attack. Almost all street predators are cowards, on the look out for helpless victims. Often they are incapable of tackling someone one face to face. Unless that person is playing out the victim role of course. They’re quite happy with the surprise attack from behind, but when faced with a calm and resolute person they are often fazed and unable to continue in the light of the opposition. Ask yourself this simple question: “If a common street robber thought that by attacking you he would probably be injured, restrained and forcibly escorted to a police station, would he still attack you?” Answer, NO! Although that somewhat idealistic scenario is never likely to played out in full, it does illustrate the mind set you should be in and it is the image you should be portraying. Be careful not to give these people any reason to resort to violence and remember, the frightened victim or the counter-aggressor is just the trigger they need. Also, don’t fall into the trap of being pushed into making the first move, giving them the excuse to retaliate. You must not provide the trigger, but you must be ready to act as soon as the opportunity presents itself. Make your move when you’re ready not when they’re ready. Remember, the predator does not want to fight you, he wants to control and intimidate you into following his script. Don’t allow yourself to get locked into belligerent exchange, in other words don’t let your ego take control as this will inevitably lead to violence. Give the predator the chance to walk away without losing face. Many street robbers when faced with quiet resolve have to make a decision about what to do next, and assuming they’re not too stupid they will recognise the opportunity to move away from you and on to an easier target.
Do learn to recognise the signals that tell you if someone means to do you harm.
Do try to stay calm and composed.
Do use friendly dialogue if you decide to speak. A little diplomacy and tact will go a long way to averting violence.
Do try and take control of the situation as quickly as
Do be ready to run when the opportunity presents itself.
Do be ready to fight if you are convinced there is no alternative.
Don’t be the frightened and compliant victim.
Don’t be the counter-aggressor.
Don’t let your ego take control.
Don’t give any reason for them to resort to violence.
Don’t make any aggressive moves.
Don’t make your move until the time is right.
Don’t hesitate to launch a pre-emptive attack if you believe yourself to be in imminent danger.